Sometimes, it feels like my life is a revolving door. A place where people come and take their turn around and then go on their merry way again, while I'm stuck in the same place. I guess it's hard to shake that feeling when I look back on how many roommates I have had in the past. Yet, I still remain here. I feel like I'm being treated as a catalyst and nothing else. Someone to come to when you are in a transition, and then to be left after you reached a chance at a better situation and can move forward. Or, as a place to run to away to while things are going bad somewhere else, and you need to get away.

Don't get me wrong, I love my friends and I want to be there for them and glad that I have been able to do so thus far. I mean they are the nearest thing I have ever had to a family, and I don't want them to stop coming to me for things, but I can't but feel a little used and taken advantage of to a point. I mean really wouldn't you if you stopped to think about it?

I just feel like people don't really appreciate a lot of the things I actually do for them...maybe I'm different then most people but, I always thought that when someone helped you and did things for you, you're suppose to show some form of gratitude, instead of stressing the person who's trying to help you. Or being mean to them just because, they are there and you're upset at life.

Plus, I'm really tired of the fact people can't seem to look at the good things they have and only look at the negative. Letting themselves be stuck in the what could of been, instead of trying to move forward, or even try a little. So, they'll end up running away instead of trying because, it's too scary. Or placing blame on others when it really wasn't the only factor. How is that healthy? If you have to look back and be bitter fine...but, you can't place the blame on someone who wasn't really part of the relationship, because really the blame can only be put on two people and that's the two people who who were in it together...

Sorry, besides that last paragraph I was talking about my friends in general, but that one is kind of pointed at someone and I apologize for it. But, this blog has always been my way of saying what I need to get out and I won't change that now.

Then, there's the other side of my feelings which wonder what it's like to have a place to run away too. What it's like to have a home, with parents who care about you will help out during hard situations. I not having that myself, can't feel a bit jealous. But, then I think it's for the best because, I have to stay together this way, I have to think logically or, I won't be able to survive. I like being able to stand on my own, but sometimes I wonder if I am really making any progress this way or if I will forever be stuck in the same situation. I won't dwell on the subject but it does come to mind every now and again.

Well this will be my last blog post for the year I'm sure. So, this year has been really hard for me and those around me I can only hope that the new year will be better then the last. I usually make a post on new years so till then may whoever reads this be well.