Understanding in a car crash

2009-01-01T14:10:00.000-08:00

Well 2008 has come to an end and now it's time to move forward. I was looking for a slip to write my next song on at karaoke and found this at our table. I don't know who it was from or who it was for...but I read it and kept it. It made me think about this coming year. All or nothing. That's how I want to live this year. I don't want to do anything half assed. If I decide to do anything then

2008-12-26T12:33:00.000-08:00

Sometimes, it feels like my life is a revolving door. A place where people come and take their turn around and then go on their merry way again, while I'm stuck in the same place. I guess it's hard to shake that feeling when I look back on how many roommates I have had in the past. Yet, I still remain here. I feel like I'm being treated as a catalyst and nothing else. Someone to come to when you

2008-11-02T19:49:00.000-08:00

Everything seems to give way at once. Maybe I have been more stressed then what has been showing...I'm the only one in my house who has a job at the moment. Money is tight because rent is higher and I barely have any left for food and such....So, as things get worse and you try your hardest to put up a good front...In public anyways, life has a way to smack you down even harder to force you to

2008-06-09T21:07:00.000-07:00

One can not really define music. Sure if you google define music you'll find things that try, but music is art, and in a way can not be defined. To me it is just a sound that makes one happy. As you know I am a person who usually has their headphones on most of the time, listening to the sounds that make me happy, and perhaps sad at times. When I go out walking, or to the store I always have

2008-04-21T01:46:00.000-07:00

I feel like such a soulless robot doll. Smile, make people happy, even though you could care less about their existence. Dance, even when you're down and out and don't care keep moving, when you have nothing left force yourself to keep going. I do something I don't even care about for the current legal tender. Instead of doing anything I'd like to do I work for a corporation who doesn't really

2008-02-24T04:32:00.000-08:00

Am I falling forward or am I falling backward? Am I really falling at all? Am I even moving at all. I can't really tell much any more. Am I over coming anything or have I given up? I'm still here but am I really? How much of me has been lost, how much of me is still here? Do I keep getting up, even if I don't have anything to believe in? Do I keep running even if I do not have anywhere to run to

2007-11-09T00:14:00.000-08:00

Wow I haven't blogged in like a few months...I guess I haven't had much to say. I've just been living the day to day and working sleeping and drinking. I seem to do that a lot lately I must admit. I guess everyone has a drinking phase at one point. Well, not everyone but a lot of people.I'm year older since I last posted. I had a better birthday then the past couple. I had sushi and got really

2007-07-21T22:45:00.000-07:00

Dear friend,Well I started to read this book I read back when I was a freshman in high school. It's stirs up a lot of memories and one of the parts made me think. It was about the main charters sister. It was about how she was liberal and free thinker and she wad dating a boy who she got into a fight with. She was bullying him and telling how he was pansy and he hit her. After he hit her she

2007-06-23T12:36:00.000-07:00

So, my mother gave me a ride the other day and asked me a question. "Do you hate me?" I tried my best to say no and that I loved her. I mean I do love her she is my mother...however of COURSE I FUCKING HATE YOU! I hate you so much it makes me fucking die inside every time I have to spend time with you. But, I do it so don't kill yourself because, I don't want that on my soul....Hmm why do I hate

2007-06-19T01:28:00.001-07:00

Pardon my insanity but;I wasn't suppose to be born. I was only a one in a million chance to be born. By all rights I shouldn't be here. "But you're here so deal with it." I drown at the age three I was clinicly dead for five minutes I shouldn't be alive right now. "You are so deal with it." But by all rights I shouldn't be alive! "You are now live." But it hurts...it hurts to keep moving forward

2007-04-01T11:23:00.000-07:00

Well I guess I have been kind of busy lately and that's why I haven't posted. I wanted to before. Right after I cut my hair. Yes, if you haven't seen myspace I cut my hair. I also dyed it a different color. To me it was symbol to myself that I let go of the past and now I'm ready yo move on. I believe I have taken enough time for myself that my next relationship will be better because, of it.

2007-02-22T02:12:00.000-08:00

Over a month since my last post...guess not much has happened just been working and working...I've been watching Sabrina go through a roller coaster and trying to be there for her as much as I can but, besides that not much has happened. V-day was kinda okay I worked it and got a few V-days presents from people. Sheena and Sabs got me both stuffed dogs and Sheena surprised me at work by bringing

2007-01-01T21:35:00.000-08:00

So this is the new year.And i don't feel any different.The clanking of crystalExplosions off in the distance.So this is the new yearAnd I have no resolutionsFor self assigned penanceFor problems with easy solutionsSo everybody put your best suit or dress onLet's make believe that we are wealthy for just this onceLighting firecrackers off on the front lawnAs thirty dialogs bleed into oneI

2006-12-27T17:58:00.000-08:00

Christmas was better then I thought it would be. Not the worse Christmas I've had but not the best either. I saw my mother and it was awkward. I had nothing to say...It's why I never call the rest of my family I really have nothing good to say.What am I suppose to say? I work a crap job and barely scrap by with what I have? I don't want there pity or there money which I know they will try to

2006-12-16T14:08:00.000-08:00

Things for me are getting worse and worse and no one gives a shit. As usual. I spend most of time alone except when Sheena comes over. I'm doing bad as far as money goes and every time I make a mistake or something I get nosed rubbed in it and told I shouldn't be so pissy.I ask you people this then. What the hell do I have to be happy about? Tell me that. NOTHING I have nothing to be happy about

2006-12-06T22:49:00.000-08:00

Time for a new updated. I decided that pink wasn't really going with current mood as of late...So, I decided to get a new blog skin. I didn't want to make one so I found this of my new fav. anime Death note! It's pretty dark and awesome.Lately things have been okay. The only bad thing that happened was that I got sick for a few days. The worse thing was it happened at the home depot. I was

2006-11-15T16:22:00.000-08:00

Well...life really likes to kick me in the face...I feel like I've failed at life.I guess I'll get into that after I play catch up since I haven't updated in a while. Haven't had much money because, work cut back my hours and Sabrina and I have just been getting by with a little help from KJ and Sabrinas dad.Things were looking up for a little while there. Jon my friend from highschool came down

2006-10-14T01:13:00.000-07:00

Okay so there was a post here but I thought it has been resolved and dosen't need to be seen by public peoples >.>... So anyways, I'll just removes it and put other stuff here instead.I haven't been able to sleep well lately and I don't know why, I'm tired enough. Work has been hard but still I find fun in everyday I work atleast a little bit. Sabrina got an Idog and I got jealous because, it

2006-10-08T20:50:00.000-07:00

I know I should of posted sooner but hey I got busy with people. Namely KJ and Sheena... Well anyways...I had one of the best birthdays ever!!! I thought it would be bad because, I had to close at work. But, when I came in I was supprised with cupcakes and like a huge card everyone signed. It was awesome too because everyone kept commenting on my hair and wishing me happy birthday! ^^; I also got

2006-09-20T22:51:00.000-07:00

I got my permit yay! I'm so exicted and happy. Yeah I know it's something most highschoolers get but, I'm still proud of myself. Yeah I know I'm a dork. I've been having fun lately, I've actually been to a bar with coworkers I enjoyed it more then I thought I would. Been hanging out with KJ a bit and Sabs of course.I got myself a garaa tshirt! Sabrina said it's for passing...but really I just

2006-09-15T17:32:00.000-07:00

Well, I have been trying hard to learn how to drive lately, I failed my first permit test yesterday and today wasn't able to take one because, even though the DMV closes at 5 the last time to take the test is 4...which is fine, next time I will know and go early. It's my own fault. A lot of things have been going on latley but, I feel kind of numb to things right now meh...Here's what's been

2006-09-07T22:08:00.000-07:00

So, umm yeah...The day before yesterday was wierd. We hung out with KJ agian and we like went down to Cottage Grove and hung out at the old park. Ah the old park what bitter sweet memrioes of my youth ^^; We ate and then we talked and took pictures and had a good time I guess. We went to Sabrinas dads house and made Cait sith eat...He's getting so skinny I worry about him a lot...He's my baby

2006-09-04T21:16:00.000-07:00

I think people misunderstand me. This blog is for venting purposes sometimes I like to get things out and yeah. This is the best outlet I have. I made it a place my friends can read so maybe they could understand what I was thinking better. It's nothing more then my thoughts. I try not to personally attack anyone or anything but, I can't help how I feel and hell this is better then me cutting

2006-09-02T20:51:00.000-07:00

Am I someone who is to be forgotten and left behind when something better comes a long? That's how it seems to be for me. I feel as if I'm not good enough to hang out with or even talk to. It seems that it's just okay to break promises or plans made to me because, what does it matter? It's just me after all right? Move on and forget me. Find someone better to be your friend or girlfriend and

2006-08-06T13:00:00.000-07:00

Well we went and saw panic! at the disco a week or so ago.They played with The hush sound and the dresden (sp) dolls. They were both pretty good but, of course Panic! was way awesome. They had dancers and stuff on stage. There outfits were amazing, I want a top so bad! T.T Anyways, while the show was amazing the security sucked ass. They were rude and they had this retarded rule that if you

2006-07-02T03:01:00.000-07:00

Have some composure Where is your posture? Oh, no, no You're pulling the trigger Pulling the trigger All wrong Give me envy, give me malice, give me attention Give me envy, give me malice, baby,give me a break! -Time to dance Panic! At the discoWell, anyways today was a long day. I was the only person closing tonight. Well, it was me and my manger. Everything, that could go wrong did. People

2006-06-11T02:02:00.000-07:00

Well things have been going okay I have been working a lot really. I had to goto the emergancy room recently because I have had a really bad infection in my mouth that has been giving me really killer head aches. So, we waited three hours so the doctor just so he could look in my mouth for two seconds and say, "It's infected here's some pain killers and other meds" O.o Glad I waited three hours

2006-05-19T01:01:00.000-07:00

I haven't been doing much work sleep and repeat on my days off I have been doing a few things. I got to goto the coast one day with Sabrina and Cole it was pretty fun but, it was really windy and Cole wasn't too happy he had to go but atleast he went. I've been able to start paying my bills and such so everything has been going well with that. Today kinda sucked, I was going to go do laundry

2006-04-19T20:13:00.000-07:00

Well, I've been a little depressed because, of me and that three day job. I still feel like I didn't try hard enough but, meh everyone has been pretty supportive. I know there all tired of me not having a job though. Atleast that how it seems so, it's a good thing home depot made me come in for an interview. They have full benfiets for part timers after 90 days and they pay really well. After 90

2006-04-07T18:21:00.000-07:00

Well I feel like a failure. I got hired at Gate way living and after 3 days quit. Why? Because I never thought I'd find a worse place to work the creswell. Yes, they take good care of there residents but, they aren't very good with there employees. They, have one person take care of everyone in a house which is about 14-16. A night time CNA is not suppose to have more then 10 people. So, when

2006-03-26T04:31:00.000-08:00

Another sleepless night it seems. This thoughts in my head won't go away, they won't let me rest I must always be worried it seems. I should take sleeping pills, but I don't want to become depnendet on them like I was when I was about 15 or 16. Depression is setting in and I can't really fight it...I want to sleep I want to be able to goto bed at 10 and wake up at 8 like Cole but, I just can't

2006-03-22T04:46:00.000-08:00

Well the past day really kind of sucked. We thought Coles' car was stolen and but, later we came to find out it was repossed. There's really nothing we cand do about it untill tomorrow, when we can get a hold of them. His wallet also happened to be in the car so there's another bad thing... I just hope that we can get it back tomorrow. Cole is really depressed of course right now and he has good

2006-02-13T06:02:00.000-08:00

I always do my writing at wierd hours...5:30 am yay anyways...To Cole:I don't have money or good looks or a stellar personalty still you have stayed with me. I'm whiney and sometimes bossy, I've even made you cry (I'm sorry T.T)...but still you stay by my side. I guess love really is blind? You know me like noone else and effect me in ways noone could. I sit here and try to think of words that

2006-02-07T22:27:00.000-08:00

I haven't been up to much latley just looking for work being bored and hanging around with Howe and other people up in Corvallis. O_o; We have a cat now. His name is Cait sith, seems the one I had before for 9 years was sent to a shelter and we were unable to locate it. So, when we were coming home after looking for him I saw something move in the bushes out side our house, it was a about a 3 or

2006-01-22T20:41:00.000-08:00

Well, I'm back in Oregon now. It's so nice I've missed it a lot. It was hard and we had to throw a lot of things away to get here, but it was worth it. The drive was long and hard Cole but, we got here in one piece. Barely, everything went pretty well while we were driving. The weather was nice and traffic wasn't bad except through WA of course. Well,as soon as we get into to Oregon the weather

2005-12-28T01:39:00.000-08:00

Well, it's about time for another post. I hope everyone had a better holiday then I did. We're saving up for moving so not much of a christmas this year although Cole still managed to get me a game I wanted. Things have been going good but, at the sametime things have been going bad...First I will go with the good. We're going to be moving in together without Cole's family. I have nothing

2005-11-18T00:34:00.000-08:00

The trip.Well I have decided to type this up before we leave. Because, I'll probably have a new post to do after we get back. Right now I'm at Sabrina's house. Why am I there? Well, that will be explained later. First let's start from the begining we left Coles house at 6 and drove 16 hours straight till we couldn't drive anymore. We then stayed at a motel 6 and went on. We then drove untill we

2005-11-07T19:58:00.000-08:00

Well, noone really did a good job on hiding the suprise about my tip there...Like I'd Cole drive me somewhere for almost 2 days without knowing where we were going...Anyways so, yes I know I'll be back in oregon I'm so happy I just can't wait I want to show Cole everything and have him meet everyone. I just hope my mom dosen't go pyscho...well I hope our trip there goes well.

2005-10-16T20:51:00.000-07:00

Okay Above are comparision photos. The top one is a few months ago from when we went to cole's cousins wedding. I look bad in it because, it was late night and because, that was a very long day for everyone. Anyways*Cough* that dosen't have to do with anything except it's the only pic I have on the comp right now to compare this one with. I took it just to show my new hair cut. Some people were

2005-10-05T05:28:00.000-07:00

I changed the lay out of my blog. The old one was screwing up. This one I also think is prettier. But, I lost my old comments I think. Sorry! X.x Well, enough about the lay out here is the real reason why I'm posting.Last night my mom called and said my birthday package should be here. Well, I didn't think it was and I told her I would tell her if it came in tomorrow. Well Cole last night went

2005-09-16T21:36:00.000-07:00

As, of right now my jobs hours have been sucking wich is bad...Also, Cole's mom has had money troubles his mom and his dad are fighting as usual and Cole is trying not to get in the middle. Which is hard because, they refuse to talk to one another. So, Cole is getting upset...SPEAKING of getting upset I am right now because, of the fact Cole is fucking watching a movie he watched less then two

2005-08-14T17:38:00.000-07:00

Well, I have been working 40+ hours agian. I had to work for another kid on both of my days off so yeah...Last weekend my only day off was spent shopping with Cole's two aunts and his mom. His mom and I wanted to find an outfit for Cole's cousins wedding, which is happening next weekend. Well it wasn't a small shopping trip it ended up taking six hours before we found the outfit I was going to

2005-08-03T19:49:00.000-07:00

Well now it's time for a big update. Yesterday was a very good day. We went to best buy and cole bought me all of eva (the special edtion of course...) All of Pretear (it was only $20 and slim cased!!)But the biggest and best thing he got me was a red octan pad. Yes the best dance pad out there and it's the 2005 edition. ^^ It was a good day indeed....we also had japanese foods >.>. Well in other

2005-07-06T22:20:00.000-07:00

I was working 40+ hours at work for a month or so yeah I was a little to busy and tired to post. Even after I wasn't 40 hours I still worked almost every day and Cole likes to have to his comp. I also had to clean and all that stuff so yeah...I also don't really have much to coplain about. I work eat sleep and spend time with Cole. Work sucks, but work sucks for everyone I guess.The only thing

2005-05-21T21:32:00.000-07:00

Well I haven't forgtten about my blog. I've just been not able to be on the comp much lately. Cole has been using it and so forth. I have also been working, had the flue for like two days. I threw up six times in one day. I have been sleeping a lot and haven't had really anything to rant about untill today.I was working as usual and started thinking. You see our apple case is next to the bakers

2005-04-20T01:06:00.000-07:00

I know it has been a long time since my last post. Trust me Sabrina reminds me. =P I have just been very busy lately. I work, clean and sleep. That's pretty much all I do with a sprikling of eating showering and other things...There really hasn't been much I've needed to vent either. I guess it's because, Cole's parents are going through problems so noone is focused on me being here. Meaning they

2005-03-13T21:41:00.000-08:00

Well lately things have been subpar so to say. I get up at the ass crack of dawn goto work come home clean take a nap and get up barely even fucking see Cole and go back to sleep after a while. Then I get up and do it agian. It really sucks ass. I really hate my job and this state. I wonder why I stay here and I remember Cole. Then he treats me like shit and I wonder why I'm really here at all. I

2005-03-02T23:13:00.000-08:00

Well here I sit agian unable to sleep and with tears in my eyes. No, this has nothing to do with Cole. I was laying in bed when Cole said he missed his dog. I thought about things and I starting missing my mom my cat Sabrina and everyone else. I want to be in Oregon agian. I miss the smell the sounds. I want to hang out with my friends. I miss every one of them. I want to run around in the forest

2005-02-12T05:45:00.000-08:00

I am tired of peoples shit coming before mine. I'm tired of being here and people (Besides Cole...well sometimes) not giving a shit about what I plann or what I wish to do. I had planned something today with Cole and I but, instead as soon as we wake I get a, "We have to clean the living room and kitchen today because, my moms friend is coming over." great fucking great, I don't even fucking go

2005-01-27T18:04:00.000-08:00

I have now been hired to worl at a piggly wiggly. It's a food store much like safeway except with pigs everywhere. I don't start till the first and my hiring info has yet to be sent but, it seems as though things will go smoothly. It's a good thing I have a job, but slowly I have come to relize that sometimes I feel more alone here then I use to feel. Sure, I have Cole and now this job but, it

2005-01-20T20:25:00.000-08:00

Well I am getting depressed agian but, what can I say. I feel very unwanted here by everyone in this house excpt Cole. Why you say? Well in the past Cole's dad had made me something seprate from others at meals. Not all the time but a lot. Yesterday he didn't, which is fine. So Cole and I went out to eat. He made show of it by eating a plate of his dad food even though he didn't like it and then

2005-01-15T14:08:00.000-08:00

I don't understand things much anymore. I just know what pisses me right the fuck off and that's when anyone does something and says "What will my parents think" I can understand if it was like if you were drunk and had sex and made video or something like that but, over something as getting something for someone because you care about them, and then don't do it because "What will my parents

2005-01-13T09:11:00.000-08:00

Well it seems that I will be cast a side at the end of the month if I do not get a job. I know I have been here for four months but, I've been looking since I have been here and it has been hard because noone here seems to hire after october for the holidays. I guess that was my fault some how. I know other people have problems with money and I guess I am just another problem. People can't seem

2004-12-21T06:23:00.000-08:00

It dosen't feel much like christmas as things just seem to get worse and worse. Well, I of course still have no job but, I think that's the least of the problems going on around here. First Coles' car brakes down and now he has no car because his tranny is out and he has to get a loan to get it fixed because it costs like 2k...Well then the other day his dad started having problems. I won't go

2004-12-11T08:48:00.000-08:00

Must find job...or I'll be homeless I swear. Cole's parents seem to be getting madder and madder. I have been trying really hard but, nothing seems to come my way. Well I have yet another interview coming up. At a store called Piggly Wiggly...parttime but what I can I do? Go on every interview you can right anything to get work I get. I just want things to work so bad and I'm trying so hard...but

2004-11-30T14:53:00.000-08:00

Well here I sit agian watching people play videogames and watching Cole's expersion which shows nothing but the same these days. All he does is worries all he seems to do he can't seem to just let shit go and try to forget about it. He isn't playful anymore he just dosen't seem to care. All he seems to care about is sleeping and playing games. I'm not sleep or a game so you can see how I feel. He

2004-11-27T15:31:00.000-08:00

Well I normally don't just post lyrics but I've never found a better song to describe myself and how I feel the band is senes fail if you care. "Angela Baker And My Obsession With Fire" I won't forget the day that, that I came to And I started thinking that there's more Than just perfect prom queens and silver spoons And all I ever wanted was someone to knock me back to the bliss of ignorance '

2004-11-26T10:45:00.000-08:00

Well it's that time of year agian where the holidays are hyped up the ass. People seem to spend thier money more freely,even if they don't have it to spennd.... I of course have no money or job so yeah there goes thatn idea...But thanksgiving is growing fast upon us and I am growing more depressed fast. Who would of thought I would miss the tradition of being sent off to California to be paraded

2004-11-11T01:12:00.000-08:00

Why am I posting at 2 am? Well I can't sleep....I seem to be in one of my old moods...I'm listening to dashboard and everything...Why? Because, I feel like I have changed a lot in my life and still it seems that it's never good enough like I can never reach what I wish to achieve..Maybe I am doomed to never reach what a normal person does. Why do I say that? Because, no matter how hard I try

2004-11-07T23:50:00.000-08:00

Well I have been trying to post for a while now, it just seems that I when I try to post someone or something happens and I end up closing the window, losing all my words and thoughts for that post and moving on with life. Well here I don't think there will be distrations. Cole is at work and Cody is playing counter strike and Cole's parents are most likely sleeping. So, what have I been

2004-10-15T05:29:00.000-07:00

WARNING: This post contians things about my sexual desires and wants and what I have already done. If that idea grosses you out in the slighetest please don't read on. Do remeber I made this a place for myself to vent.. Ahem now that is out of the way here I go. I wonder sometimes what's wrong with me. maybe it's the fact that I didn't hardly touch a man for almost 21 years...but lately I feel

2004-10-09T08:30:00.000-07:00

Well here I go. People have been wondering what I have been up to and where I have been so here it goes...Well I'm a year older now and in WI with Cole as we all know...I haven't been on because, I have been doing a lot in real life as is expected. So, far I have been searching for a job and I think I may have one soon. I've been spending a lot of time shopping and getting things in order around

2004-10-02T13:09:00.000-07:00

Bleah this post= dead X.x I had it all typed and now I dun feel like doing it agian so yeah...

2004-09-29T18:23:00.000-07:00

Well here I am in the land of dairy it's kind of strange being so far away from everyone...Well let me tell you how everything went. It was a very long day for me. Pig (Gina) ended taking me to the air port and everything went okay. My checked bag weighed 48 pounds and all that was in there was clothes and more clothes. It was messed up O.o; But, anyways I got my tickets and went through

2004-09-25T21:48:00.000-07:00

So, I leave Tuesday. I will be in WI at 8ish on the 28th. I have already purchased the ticket and am now currently packing. I think this is the correct direction for my life. I think that everything will go well. I'm not nervous about it but, I'm a little worried about Cole's parents and them hating me or something. I just need to be myself right? Everything will be okay right? I hope so anyways.

2004-09-13T19:20:00.000-07:00

Here I go...A lot of people have been confused about things so here I sit and explain them now finally. Some people just can't leave me alone asking about them. I was going to post it all here anyways but, I haven't had time because, I was working. I still am working as hard as I can to prepare for moving...yes moving why? I'll get to that later... Three weeks ago just after I got into a fight

2004-08-26T11:24:00.000-07:00

I have come to relize how flawed and cracked I really am... I am selfish...So, very selfish. Some may say it's a product of my raising...even though I put up with a lot of bullshit my mom would feel so sorry after wards she would give me whatever I wanted...I was an only child who's family felt sorry for her so gave her whatever she wanted. But, I should be able to change that. I know I can't

2004-08-07T07:16:00.000-07:00

Bleah I can't stop listening to muse right now...Anyways, I went to the docter and they set up for me to get my tonsals out on the 27th...if my insurance can affoard to pay for it. Well I sat there and they treated me like a kid telling me what I should and shouldn't do and that I needed and I qoute an "adult" to be there when I get out...It's like I'm 20 not 12 x.x...but yeah they said during

2004-08-01T16:55:00.000-07:00

Just so everyone knows... I'm 90% EMO, how about you? I'm 90% hardcore EMO, how about you? I'm 50% punk, how about you? I'm 60% Hardcore punk, how about you? I'm 10% Punk poser, how about you? I'm 25% loser, how about you? I'm 30% Freak, how about you? Okay I got bored and I was able to sit up long enough to take these ^^; I hope everyone is doing okay feel free to call my cell if you have it

2004-07-31T17:46:00.000-07:00

For the past week I have had a sore throat but I've still been going to work non-stop. I slept through the weekend and thought well all I need is rest this will go away. But then it got really bad the night I came back to work...I worked anyways...my co-worker Nikki (who is like beyond awesome) got really worried about me and told me to go take my temp and I did and it was 99.2...which isn't too

2004-07-08T15:31:00.000-07:00

Sabrina is now in NY and I am still here doing nothing really but working. Alot...Well Howie must of read this thing because, he came over the day Sabrina left and took me out to hang out with some of our friends. We played basket ball for a bit then we went to the lake for a bit, and talked while we waited for his girlfriend to get home. I'm guessing that Sabrina has been really worried about me

2004-06-28T02:31:00.000-07:00

Well, recently I have been working a lot and hard trying my best to make money and plan on moving out in the future. Work has been fun, and at time trying. Sometimes I feel like crying because, of some of the things day shift people say after I get off...but, then a co-worker was driving me home last night and she told me that they do that a lot to the new noc-shift people. She said they use to

2004-06-22T23:15:00.000-07:00

I'm typing this on notepad right now because, Sabrina's dads net keeps going down. It's been an intresting few weeks. I have been working a lot and learning how to become a better NA. But, lately I have been getting depressed a lot. I keep thinking about my mom and dad or better my lack there of. I have also been thinking of how I am nothing but a burden to Sabrina and her family. I mean she

2004-06-16T16:32:00.000-07:00

Well, I meant to post before, but the net had troubles yesterday so I was unable to. You see, the day before yesterday I had work so I came in and did I was spose to be doing. I had to work dining room. I was helping people out and then that's when I looked over and saw one of the residents being wheeled out. I thought it was kind of strange but, I was busy helping other people. Well, a few

2004-06-11T12:25:00.000-07:00

Well, I have been working a lot but, it's been a good thing for me. I finally finished my orentation yesterday. Yesterday...was a bad day. So, I'm going to vent it here. Well I got up at 5:45 with Sabs got dressed and went in. I helped like I usually do then I had to tolit someone and She ended up on the floor because she sat back too fast and was screaming. (No I didn't get in trouble because,

2004-06-04T14:56:00.000-07:00

Well I have worked the past two days and it has been awesome. I can't wait to work on Sat and Sun. They called me today to see if I could work some extra hours on Sunday and Mondays because, well I don't have many real days...so, when the restortive aide isn't in those days they're going to have me do stuff like playing games with the old people and doing dinner and ice water and stuff. So, that

2004-06-01T21:26:00.000-07:00

Wow this is my 50th post on this thing ^^; I should get a new spiffy layout soon since this one kinda died...Well, you may not think 50 posts is a lot but, it's still kind of cool I stuck with this thing for so long... Unlike my poor dying live journal. Well, today was a fun day. I went to Creswell care center and filled out paper work for three hopurs and made $24.00 doing it XD. I start

2004-05-24T19:49:00.000-07:00

I have a job! Yes, finally the happy day has come where I have a job...I really hope this works out and goes well. I will hope for the best...I'm just so happy. I haven't been this happy in very long time. Soon, I'll be getting paid and yeah...First I'm going to have to learn how to drive and get a car, a used car, before I move out of here...I'll learn on Sabs car then buy some cheap one that

2004-05-15T01:01:00.000-07:00

I know once agian I haven't posted in a while because I haven't felt like posting. Days keep on going by faster and faster and it feels like I'm wasting time everyday but Sabs has been too busy to really take me job hunting. It sucks relying on others but it is the only thing I can do untill I get enough money to be stable on my own. Well something good that happened was that I now have a cell

2004-05-01T03:12:00.000-07:00

Okay this how my day went today. I was sleeping and the phone rings and I of course do not wish to get up and answer the darn thing so the recorder gets it and it's my mom. She then leaves a message and I call her back. I call her back and get her recorder and then she calls me back as I'm trying to pee. She then says on the phone how Loki misses me and has something for me and that I should call

2004-04-22T22:47:00.000-07:00

Well right now I feel like listening to Understanding in a car crash by Thrusday over and over agian. Today was just a bad bad day...It wasn't the worse day but it was a bad day...You see Sabrina took me to do a math placement test and I was looking at her binder with the picture of Usagi on it and thinking I was going to fail as bad as she does in the anime. Yeah so after sitting there and doing

2004-04-17T20:40:00.000-07:00

So, here I sit agian.I feel as I am nothing but, a waste of carbon base taking people's time and space, with noone and nothing to live for. I just wish god would take me off this fucking earth. I'm tired of people bitching at me because, my typing disturbs them and I'm tired of people period. God forgive I should sit in the corner of the living room and type. I know sometimes I type loudly but I

2004-04-14T23:32:00.000-07:00

*Sighs* Here I am agian....at my comp looking at the post screen...I'm at Sabrina's and my comp is working all well now as you can see...I just haven't been myself lately. I really appricate the fact that Sabrina has let me stay here and that she cares about me so much but I just feel like I shouldn't be here...but I know now more then ever I never can go home agian. I guess that old saying is

2004-04-11T02:19:00.000-07:00

I saw the western coast, I saw the hospital, nursed the shoreline like a wound. Reports of lover trists were niether clear or discript we kept it safe and slow the quiet things noone ever knows....Yes, yes if you've seen that video you know it's about a car accdent...and that's what I got into today...All because I went with Jason (Sabrina's Sisters bf) and he drank and drove....and he wasn't all

2004-04-09T01:46:00.000-07:00

Hello all! Well today was the big moving day! I kinda have mixed emotions about it....But yeah...We woke and stuff and then we looked at the clock and we were like "Oh, shit it's 3 O.O" and we went McDonalds tomeet my friend Brian o.o;;; Or is it Bryan o.o;; and yeah...as soon as we got into the car Sabrina was like "OMG he's hot how do you know someone so hot?" and yeah...he was hott and all but

2004-04-08T03:21:00.000-07:00

Hello everybody tomorrow well today really is the big moving day hurray! Kinda well anyways I'll be meeting a friend of mine from Portland. Yay or something....ANYWAYS enough aboutmy crappy life O.O....LOOK AT MY BLOG LOOK AT IT!!! It's so pretty ToT<*Tears of joy* Anyways you might want to turn you volume down because of the music and it may take a while to load sorry ^o^;;;...Also make sure to

2004-04-02T15:26:00.000-08:00

Okay so here it goes. Last night I came home from getting a job app with Sabs and Sabs had been nice enough to buy me two boxes before she took me home. So, I came in and brought the boxes in and she freaked out and then went into her room. I just ignored like I always do and I was tired so I took an hour nap....She woke me up by throwing some of my jewlery at me and then she started breaking her

2004-03-29T16:38:00.000-08:00

Well this is it I really have to move out. I can't get any calls from jobs because even though I stay offline my mom ties up the phone lines and I can never be called about anything and therefore I can't be interviewed for a job...So thus I'm now relying on you my irl friends to come help me. Both Sabrina and Howe have offered to let me stay at one of there places and I have to accept simpky

2004-03-07T15:47:00.000-08:00

I know I haven't posted in a long time but lately so much shit has been goning on I haven't like it. Plus, with beng n class agian days just melt together nto a blob and sometimes I don't know what day it is. Anyways, where do start... Well I went to the LP concert... let me recount that day for you. It may of been almost a month ago but that day shall forever be etched into my brain. Well the

2004-01-30T21:05:00.000-08:00

It has beeen sometime since my last post what can I say I have been busy.; Not too much has happened besides the fact I'm a lot more busy now. I have started classes and it takes up about eight hours of my day everyday. But I'm happy, I'm actually doing something and getting the correct training. My days consist mostly of going to scholl coming home working out and then studying. I come online

2004-01-14T12:26:00.000-08:00

Well now that I'm not all angry let me post agian. Time goes on as it does for everyone else. Christmas went well, better then I thought it would anyways...Cat has gone and Sabs will prolly go see him in the spring. I got my finacial aide tooken care of. I got a game cube and DDR plus every sonic game the console has. I went and saw Aki-chan last weekend. It was awesome ^.^; I got to bring her

2004-01-08T02:06:00.000-08:00

I hate blogger everytime I spend time on a post I lose it before it fucking publishes and DO you think I want to type all that shit out agian? No fuck that...I had a nice long fucking post finished and I lost it why? Because it made me log in again! Argh anyways I talked about how I hate my mom and how christmas went...I'm not typing it agian GOOD GAME GOOD NIGHT! >.<

2003-12-24T01:33:00.000-08:00

Well I guess it's Christmas eve now...Just barely but it is...I hope that everyone is doing well. Well I guess I have some ranting to do not a lot but here it goes as always. Well we have been shoping a lot more then we should have but that's okay. We have a lot of things that I guess we wanted. When I say we I mean me and Sabs. There seems to be a lot of gifts under the tree but that dosen't

2003-12-14T19:38:00.000-08:00

I have noticed I have been listening to a lot of Thursday lately, it's kind of odd. I didn't like them the first time I ever heard them but now I love them...*Sighs* "I don't want to feel this way forever..." I love that song (Understanding in a car crash) I got their new CD when I went to Cali and have been forcing Sabs to listen to some of it. Even though I keep listening to thier old CD at

2003-12-05T23:04:00.000-08:00

Well I have been back for a while but I haven't really had the time to blog. I have been busy lately and yesterday there was drama...but that's normal for my house.Well I went on the train to see my family and it was four hours late each way of course...that was the only real bad part about the trip well that and the fact my father was at Thanksgiving...I didn't really talk to him much. In my

2003-11-21T02:42:00.000-08:00

Well a lot has happened since that last post. I went to Sabs like I said and I ended up throwing up in her sink before we left for seatle x.x...It was just red koolaid. So, naturaly I had to take a shower at her house...well what sort of happened next kind of sucked. I slipped in her shower and bit my uper lip. So, I came out of the shower with a bloody lip...it sucked. Well, after all that we

2003-11-11T21:56:00.000-08:00

Another week another post. Well I did a pretty dumb thing the day before yesterday. I spilt milk on my laptop. So, we had to remove the harddrive, the floppy disc drive and stand it on two books. I was sort of depressed and like slept for 13 hours yesterday. As you can see my lap top is fine now. *Watches her download go slowly.* (Is downloading an AMV not mp3, movie, or any illeagal thing!) Baka

2003-11-06T17:33:00.000-08:00

Well has been a little a while since I last posted. Halloween has come and gone. I didn't do anything this year. There was noone here to do anything with anyways. From what I understand Robbie and John went to ashland and forall I know John could be going back to school there.Noone ever tells me anything but thats what I have come to understand. Sabrina didn't want to come over becuase she was

2003-10-28T02:41:00.000-08:00

I came home from Aki's last night. It was fun, I got to spend time with Katie a little bit as well. The first day we played DDR, and air hockey. Also, we redid my blog hope you all like it. (Mentioned in her last post =o) Anyways, where the last posr ended we went to the pita place (becuase they're open till 4). Well we forgot it was like last call. And of course the pita pit is almost right next

2003-10-25T01:55:00.000-07:00

Yay, new layout ^.^ Thank Aki-chan agian. >.>;;;; Anyways I'm at aki's now. Katie and her dad took me here. I have to do research for my psych class tomorrow. The last week not much happened. School visiting friends yeah normal stuff. So, anyways why did I change my blog? Becuase, I'm starting to like pink. Why? Becuase I've hated it for so very very long. And plus it's happy and I want to be